“Ok so everything’s going fine, right. Then I take out a cold soda and put it to her neck, you know like in that commercial.”
“Why the hell did you do that?”
“That’s what she said!”
“That’s not surprising. So why did you do it?”
The woman in the commercial liked it, so I thought that I’d try it too.”
“And so she didn’t like it?”
“Yeah, instead of acting like the woman in the commercial, she screamed and hit me. Then she went home.”
“You mean you took her home?”
“No she walked home. She wouldn’t let me near her.”
“That’s what you get when you take your cues from commercials?”
“But the woman looked like she liked it.”
“Yeah and the coyote springs up like an accordion after he gets crushed by an anvil, I don’t drop them on you. Do I?”
“But that’s different”
“How?”
“The coyote is a cartoon, he’s not real. The woman was a real person.”
“Ok first of all never say that about the coyote. Second yes the woman was real but maybe her reaction wasn’t.”
“What?”
“Here let’s play a game, fill in the blank, it’s like a vocab test. The woman in the commercial is…?”
“A babe.”
“Yes but for a living she is…”
“A model”
“No the other type of woman that you’d kill to date.”
“Oh an Actress.”
“Ok good and what do Actresses do?”
“Act”
“You see where I’m going here?”
“No”
“You really scare me sometimes. The woman was acting in the commercial, she only pretended to like having an ice cold can of soda placed on her neck, when in reality she would have had the same reaction as your date.”
“So you’re saying that I should have used a warm can of soda?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
I had reached my absolute limit. I could not listen to Darcy any more. I just needed a way to escape. I couldn’t just lie. Darcy had already heard me say that I had nothing to do and no where to go until rehearsal started and tat wasn’t for another twenty minutes. Dude, always seemed to know when I was giving him a load of BS anyway. While searching desperately for an excuse, I saw my friend Kat go into the theatre.
“Darcy I have to talk to Kat. I think she’s looking for me.”
I started to run before Darcy could respond. I know it was rude, but he was only going to make some annoying comment about me being whipped by Kat. I was in the theatre shortly after leaving Darcy. It was after school so the halls were clear and I could actually get down them.
“Hey Kat!”
“Hello. I was looking for you.”
“I guessed that.”
“Well some one’s ego is inflated.”
“Why else would you be in here?”
“I… ok you win.”
“You did just save me from Darcy though.”
“I’m glad that I’m good for something. Why were you talking to Darcy?”
“He wanted to tell some one about his hot date.”
“With who? I thought he had already scared off all the girls in school.”
“He only said that he had a date and it was going great-“
“What’s that mean?”
“I was afraid to ask.”
“Probably, meant he got through dinner and the movie and she hadn’t slapped him.”
“Could be, but that changed quickly.”
“What did he do?”
“Remember that Coke commercial were the guy presses an icy can of soda to his girlfriends neck…”
“Oh god.”
“Exactly.”
“Why the hell would he do that?”
“That’s what his date wondered. He thought it would work. It worked in the commercial.”
“ And pop culture claims another victim.”
“We can’t escape it. It’s every where. At some point in time we all buy in to it.”
“I haven’t yet.”
“Yes you have. You don’t do things like Darcy, but I know you would like to have some stuff from pop culture done to you.”
“I don’t want any one dragging a can of soda over my back.”
“But you wouldn’t mind a guy showed up and serenaded you while holding a boom box over his head.”
“I love that scene.”
“You see there is some logic to ripping off pop culture. It’s just a matter of finding the right thing for the right person.”
“Ok, so you know the secret, why haven’t you sung to me with a boom box?”
“You’d probably accuse me of stealing it and besides, I’m not trying to impress you. OW! Why’d you hit me?!”
“Just trying out you’re theory”
“What?”
“You like cartoons, I just thought you might like to get smacked like one.”
“I only worship the road runner and he never hit’s any body. He just meeps.”
“Some people would consider you crazy. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wait! Was there any reason you were looking for me?”
“Yeah, I wanted to know if you wanted to go see a movie tomorrow.”
“Sure.”
“All right, I’ll bring the soda can if you bring the boom box.”
“Ok, see you tomorrow.”