Patrick Martin
Stop and Go
Frank pounds the dashboard of his Toyota as he comes to a full stop in the left lane of interstate 95. “Damn it!” There is no one in the car to hear Frank. He doesn’t care. “What the hell is this?” He tries to look down the road to find the cause of the problem. “Damn it!” The short sedan is caught behind an obscene sports utility vehicle, one of Ford’s road monsters. Frank can’t see around it. He hits the dashboard harder and hears a crack that could have come from either the dash or his hand. Frank rolls down his window and sticks out his head, in hopes of getting a better view. He can only get out far enough to see the side of the Ford. “Those aren’t fenders lady. They’re fucking wings!” The driver of the Ford can’t hear him. Frank doesn’t know it was woman; he assumes all drivers of sports utility vehicles in his way are short soccer moms. Sure they’re a hazard to every other driver, but cupcake and apple dumpling will be safe when Mom crushes a Geo on her way to a scout meeting. He pulls his head back in the car, loosens his tie and turns on the radio.
* * *
“Wow, that guy’s going ballistic.”
“Huh?”
“That peanut head guy in the Camry.” Melanie had just found the traffic report on the radio. She looks up to see a bald man leaning out the window of a blue Camry and shaking his fist at the traffic. His head really does look like a peanut. The voice on the radio is talking about the I-270 spur. Melanie laughs. “What got into him?”
Dave grins and says “Maybe he has to pee.”
* * *
Jason can’t sleep. The backseat of Melanie’s Honda isn’t long enough to lie down and the traffic report coming over the radio is too loud to ignore. He unbuckles his seat belt and does his best to stretch his legs across the back seat. Dave is pointing at an angry driver ahead.
* * *
“Expect delays along 95 south all the way to Stafford County. There’s a back up on East bound 66 near Van Dorn Street due to an accident…” Dave has heard enough of the traffic station. He decides to switch back to the CD. “So basically we’re stuck” He puts on a pair of Ray bans and leans back in his seat. “Glad I’m not driving.”
“If you’re not careful I’ll start singing”
“You said you wouldn’t.”
“You said you weren’t going to be an ass.”
“But I’m good at it”
“You think you are.”
“Like you think you can sing.”
Melanie sticks her tongue out at him.
* * *
Traffic hasn’t moved in five minutes and Frank is losing patience. He could only find commercials and yappy DJ’s leading into commercials on the radio. After a minute of pushing his presets in random patterns, he turned the radio off. Since then he’s been, tapping his left foot, strumming his fingers on the dashboard and searching for an escape route. Eventually he loses his cool and punches the steering wheel. The blast from the car horn startles him and inspires other drivers. Pretty soon the car horn choir pisses Frank off. “SHUT UP!” He screams as he gives the other drivers three long doses of his horn before he slams his fist into the dash. The crack this time is definitely from his hand. “God damn it!”
* * *
The horns don’t get past Jason’s headphones. He occasionally hears them in-between songs, but nothing can overpower his Offspring CD. Michelle and Dave are suffering; they have been listening to the horns for the last 10 minutes. Jason thinks the guy ahead of them started the whole thing, but he doesn’t know for sure and really doesn’t care. He just wants them to stop so he could sleep for the rest of the trip.
* * *
Melanie eases her foot off of the brake as traffic started to move. She waits until the car ahead of her got a big lead before she steps on the gas. Peanut head makes her nervous. She wants to change lanes and get away from him, but she can’t find an opening in the center lane. A few openings pass by, but they’re small and Melanie isn’t brave enough to dart into them. She settles for giving Peanut head a lot of room until the traffic lightens. It looks like Peanut head is still pissed. He occasionally flips off the Expedition in front of him. Melanie gives him some more space after she sees him shake his fist and then smash it on the dashboard.
* * *
Traffic is finally moving, but the sports utility vehicle is still in Frank’s way and it’s driving painfully slow. In Frank’s mind it must be the truck’s fault. Frank has found his enemy.
* * *
“Hey Mel, can I smoke in your car?” Jason remembered it has been a few hours since his last cigarette. If he can’t sleep then he might as well get a nicotine fix.
“No”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, you’ll have to hold out for a few more hours”
“I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”
“I’ll make you walk home.”
“Ok, but if I get cranky, it’s on your head.”
“I think I can live with that.”
* * *
The monster truck has gotten up to a speed Frank can live with, but he’s still snarling. “Took you long enough. Probably burned half your gas tank getting that fucker going.” The speedometer just passed 75 mph. Frank tightens his grip on the wheel and presses the gas pedal to the floor. The needle works its way up to 80. At 85 Frank calms down. He backs his foot off the gas and lets the car drop back down to just over 75. He turns on the radio; the classic rock station is about to kick off their seven-song super set with Deep Purple. Frank sinks into his seat and drives with one hand.
* * *
“Mel, you’re getting passed on this side.”
“I’m going seventy already.”
“And everyone else is pushing 80.”
“That’s not my fault”
“You don’t want to be the slow car in the fast lane. It’s bad karma.”
“Was that a pun?”
“Um, no”
“Good”
“You should still speed up or get out of this lane.”
“Fine I’ll go faster. Happy?”
* * *
Frank is comfortably cruising. If traffic stays the way it is, the rest of the commute won’t be so bad. He would be a little late, but no one would care. The fourth song of the super set is “Sharp Dressed Man.” The chorus reminds Frank about his tie. He uses his knee to steer while he puts his tie back in place. When he finishes, he goes back to driving one handed. He uses his free hand to get a cigarette. The SUV’s break lights come on while Frank is holding the car’s electric cigarette lighter to his camel wide. Frank stomps on the breaks and tosses the cigarette lighter into the passenger seat. He grabs the wheel with both hands as the anti-lock breaks kick in. The Camry stops six inches from the SUV’s bumper. The cigarette is still in Frank’s mouth. He notices a wisp of smoke coming from the passenger side. When he looks over he sees the cigarette lighter and the hole it’s burning in the seat.
* * *
“I need a cigarette.”
“You’re pathetic Jason.”
“No I’m addicted.”
“Like I said pathetic.”
“Come on I’m going through withdrawal back here.”
“Why don’t you just sniff the pack until we stop.” Melanie looks at Jason in the rearview mirror. He isn’t amused. “I’ll pull off the next time I see a sign for a gas station.”
“WATCH IT!” Dave yells. Melanie turns her eyes back to the road. Traffic is at a dead stop.
* * *
“Fuck!” Frank is inspecting the hole in his passenger seat. The lighter burned right through the upholstery and was starting to singe the cushion. He raises his fist to hit the dashboard. As his arm is coming down a car smashes into the back of his Camry and pushes the hood under the SUV. Franks head is snapped back against the seat before his body is thrown forward. The shoulder strap catches his neck. Frank isn’t wearing the lap belt. His lower body flies to the front of the car while his head is pinned against the seat. He hears a crack.
* * *
Jason flips out of his seat and slams into the back Dave’s. His arm hits the seat first, followed by his head and the rest of his body. The impact knocks him out. He ricochets into the back seat and lands in the same place as before the collision. Blood runs from his nose and mouth.
* * *
Melanie realizes she can’t stop in time. The center lane is bumper to bumper. She turns the wheel sharply and aims for the left shoulder. She nearly misses peanut heads Camry and stops next to the expedition. Her heart is beating hard. Dave starts to laugh. “Wow, nice driving Mel.” She can see peanut head’s arm in the rear view mirror. He’s giving her the finger. She laughs. “You can get out and smoke if you want Jason. I don’t think we’re going anywhere for a while.” “Thanks.” Jason rubbed his shoulder. The quick stop made him fall into the back of Dave’s seat. Melanie took a deep breath. “Well that was scary.”
* * *
The back up only lasted two minutes. Just enough time to let Frank get really mad. He blames the sports utility truck ahead of him for the hole in his seat. He waits for his chance for revenge. Soon the traffic begins to thin. Frank pulls into the center lane and overtakes the SUV. He pulls back into the left lane and tries to just miss the truck. He miscalculates and pulls over too soon. The Driver of the Expedition steers hard to the left to avoid the Camry. The truck hits the concrete barrier at an angle. The tail end swings around until it is perpendicular with the barrier, then the vehicle starts rolling. It flips seven times before landing on its roof. Frank continues driving.
* * *
Melanie stares at her car and the demolished Camry. She is clutching the blanket some one draped over her shoulders. She pulls it as tight around her as she can. They’re taking Jason out of the back seat. She wants to scream at all the drivers, who slow down to look at the accident, but she stays quiet and watches the paramedics wheel Jason to the ambulance. After they pull peanut head out of his car, they cover his head with a sheet.
* * *
Jason lights a cigarette. His shoulder hurts a little. He tells himself to remember to buy some aspirin the next time they stop. The shoulder of the highway is just as depressing up close as it is from the car, but Jason likes it. He feels like he didn’t belong there. Melanie had just shown that a car could swerve into the shoulder with out warning. It’s dangerous with out being scary. The traffic is beginning to move again. Jason takes one last puff before he gets back in the car. Melanie smiles at him. “Feel better?”
“Much better”
“You smell like an ashtray.”
“That’s Doral no. 5. Its tres chic right now.”
* * *
The SUV is signaling. Frank wants to celebrate. The behemoth is finally getting the hell out of his way. Frank feels like a game show contestant who has just chosen door number one. Would the truck reveal open road or a new archenemy? He can’t wait to find out what he’s been missing. The truck moves to reveal at least a mile of open road. Frank laughs; he’s the leader of the pack now.
* * *
The trooper is asking Melanie questions. She occasionally nods her head, but she’s not listening. Dave seems to answering the questions for her. A tow truck driver is getting ready to haul the Camry away. When he pulls the cars apart, Melanie looks at her Honda. The bumper is shattered, the front of the car is crushed in about a foot and the hood is bent into a sheet metal tent over the engine. She turns to the state trooper and asks, “How are we going to get home?”
* * *
Franks sees flashing lights in his rearview mirror. “Ah damn it!” He pulls his car into the right shoulder rolls down the window and waits for the trooper. The officer walks up to his window and politely says, “Can I see your license and registration sir?”
* * *
Jason can’t believe the accident he just witnessed. He’s not sure what he should do. The driver of the SUV hasn’t moved yet. “Maybe we should try to help.” Jason gets out of the car and walks over to the overturned Expedition. He kneels down by the driver side window and looks in. The driver is hanging by his lap belt. He’s awake, but is a little disoriented.
“Can you get out?”
“I think so.” The man found his bearing when Jason spoke to him. He releases the lap belt a second later and falls out of the seat. He crawls through the window and stands up. “Look at that, not a single scratch.”
“What about bruises?” Jason asks.
He smiles “I’d rather not think about those just now.”
* * *
The police station is very cold. Melanie is still clutching the blanket from the scene. Dave had called Melanie’s parents. They are on their way to pick them up. Dave sits next to Melanie after he gets off the phone with his own parents.
“It’s been a long day.”
Melanie doesn’t respond.
“It could have been worse though. I heard the paramedics talking. They think Jason will be fine.”
“What about the guy in the Camry?”
“He’ll be fine too” She knows Dave is lying. After a pause Jason says, “Hey in a few hours you’ll be home.”
“Yeah.”
* * *
Jason offers the driver a cigarette.
“Thanks, mine are in there somewhere.”
“No problem” Jason takes a cigarette out for himself. Melanie and Dave walk over to him. The driver greets them warmly and Melanie asks him if he needs to use her cell phone.
“Would you call the police for me?”
“Of course”
A trooper arrives a few minutes after Melanie’s phone call. They all give accounts of the accident to the trooper. Jason is impressed with his efficiency. In 20 minutes he collected all the information he needed and had a truck come for the Expedition. He tips his hat to Melanie before getting into his car and heading to the next accident. Jason offers another cigarette to the driver before leaving.
“Thanks again.”
“No problem. I hope they catch the driver.”
“The trooper thinks they will. Your lady friend gave him the guy’s plate number.”
“So your next Expedition is going to be solid gold?”
“I don’t see why not.”
* * *
“You were going a little fast back there.”
“I was keeping up with the traffic.” Frank knows he’s stuck. He was the pacesetter. The trooper has Frank and he knows it.
“Have you had anything to drink today sir?”
“No, sir”
“Would you please step out of the car?”
“I told you I haven’t had anything to drink today.”
“That’s true sir, would you please step out of the car?”
“Why?”
“So I can be sure you haven’t been drinking”
“Are saying I lied?”
“No sir, would you please step out of the car?”
“Go to hell”
“This is the last time I’ll ask. Would you please step out of the car?”
“Fine, I’ll get out of the damn car.” Frank steps out of the car. His knees are stiff from sitting for so long. He is a little wobbly. The trooper puts handcuffs on Frank and leads him to the squad car.
“What the hell is this?”
“You were 30 miles over the speed limit and you told me to go to hell. That’s worth at least one night.” He opens the rear door of the car and pushes Frank inside.
* * *
Melanie decides to stop at a pancake house. She needs a break from driving and if Jason doesn’t get a cigarette soon he’ll get pissy. They pull into the parking lot and Jason already has a cigarette in his mouth. He waits long enough for Dave and Melanie to close their doors before he lights it. They stand in the parking lot while Jason smokes. Then they walk inside. An elderly woman greets them.
“Hi! You didn’t just come off of 95 did you?”
“We did” Melanie replies.
“Oh my, was the traffic dreadful?”
“It was stop and go, but I’ve seen worse.”
She leads them to booth in the back of the restaurant and passes out menus. Jason feels like having a southwestern omelet and a coke.